Five of the women in the President's inner circle on maternal guilt, daycare woes, and the persistent balance myth.
The issue of working motherhood has always been political, but in few workplaces is it more so than in the White House.
Since taking office, President Obama has supported more comprehensive paid leave policies and applauded those few states and companies that have passed them. He has tried to narrow the wage gap and has made it a point to at least bring the obstacles that encumber women at work to national attention.
Leading by example, he has reformed White House policies to make it an environment that welcomes working parents. Employees are granted up to 12 weeks of paid family and medical leave. Several new lactation rooms have been installed on the White House campus. And a premium has been placed on allowing the White House staff to be more mobile by introducing portable secure mobile workstations so that employees can work from home.
Between them, Cecilia Muñoz , Jen Psaki, Amy Pope, Valerie Jarrett, and Paulette Aniskoff have seven children and some of the most essential responsibilities in the administration. Just before Mother's Day, here's what they had to say about working―and parenting―in the White House.
Getting the offer...
Cecilia Muñoz, director of the White House Domestic Policy Council, mother of two: "To be honest, I was reluctant to take the job. In fact, I turned the job down initially, because my daughters were teenagers and my mother had recently passed away. I was very, very focused on being the best mother I could be and was not sure that that was compatible with taking a White House job. So, I expressed how honored I was to be asked and politely said no. And the President—who was still the President elect, at the time—actually called me on my cellphone to convince me that I could do this and still be a good mom."
Jen Psaki, director of the White House Communications, mother of one: "When I came back to the White House, I was six months pregnant. And when Denis McDonough, the White House Chief of Staff, called me about coming back to the White House, I was about 4 months pregnant. It was a Saturday afternoon and I had just come back from running errands with my husband. My phone rings and [McDonough] says to me, 'We need you to come back and do this job.' In the 10 or 15 seconds it took me to respond, I remember thinking to myself, 'Well he clearly doesn't know I'm pregnant, and I'm going to tell him, and he'll wish me good luck and I'll be on my merry way.' And so I said, 'Well I'm so honored, but I'm expecting a baby in July and, you know…" And he said, 'That's great! Congratulations! Well, we'll work it out.'"
"I REMEMBER THINKING TO MYSELF, 'WELL HE CLEARLY DOESN'T KNOW I'M PREGNANT.' AND HE SAID, 'THAT'S GREAT! CONGRATULATIONS! WELL, WE'LL WORK IT OUT.'"
Amy Pope, Deputy Homeland Security Advisor and Deputy Assistant to the President at the National Security Council, mother of two: "The first time someone approached me about the job was when I was pregnant with my second child. At that point, there was just no way that I was willing to consider coming over here, especially to join in the National Security Council, where the reputation is that people work around the clock. And because so much of our work is done on classified systems, people work around the clock in the office. You cannot just take the work home. And so, I just flat-out rejected it."
...And deciding to take it
Cecilia Muñoz: "We had family meetings about it because I wanted to make sure my girls understood that they were going to need to be more self-reliant, that I was going to be driving fewer carpools, making fewer meals."
"I JUST REALIZED THAT PERSONALLY MY CAPACITY AND MY AMBITION WERE GREATER THAN I HAD IMAGINED THEM TO BE."
Valerie Jarrett, Senior Advisor to the President of the United States and Assistant to the President for Public Engagement and Intergovernmental Affairs, mother of one: "I really did talk to [my daughter] a lot about the position. At the time, she was in law school. And I was trying to decide whether it made sense to come to the White House or to make a run at being the President's replacement in the Senate. We talked it through in a very analytical and emotional conversation, and we concluded that this was the right spot for me."
Amy Pope: "When, Ali, my second, was a year old, a few things happened. First, I just realized that personally my capacity and my ambition were greater than I had imagined them to be. Second, my husband had started to work from home at that point, and he really enjoyed it and was really fulfilled in that. And then we hired an au pair, which gave us a lot more flexibility in terms of childcare. At that point, when the offer came, I was ready to take it."
Early words of encouragement
Cecilia Muñoz: "When I came in, I was working under Valerie Jarrett who reassured me, being a single mom herself. And what she said to me, which I will never forget, is 'We're going to work really hard, but I promise you won't miss anything important.' And, you know, she was as good as her word."
Paulette Aniskoff, Deputy Assistant to the President and Director of the Office of Public Engagement, mother of one: "I actually had a pretty serious discussion with my boss before I got pregnant. She is a great boss. I work for Valerie Jarrett. I had sort of made the assumption that I might not be able to do my job with a kid and that was my own head—not anything that had been said to me or told to me—but I was very worried. I think the hours and the stress and sort of the lack of flexibility on a lot of days made me very worried. So before I even got pregnant, I had a conversation with my boss and said, 'I really want to start a family, and I just don't know how to do it with this job, so I wanted to talk to you about it before we got started.' I have a very close personal relationship with Valerie, so it didn't seem too weird. She said, 'I was a single mom. I had a huge amount of challenges. We are gonna make this work, if you want to stay.' We obviously followed up with some details after that, but her utter confidence and the fact that we could make it work and that she wanted me to stay completely changed my thought on whether or not I could do it."
Making demands
Jen Psaki: "I had the conversations early one—before I accepted the position. I knew I wanted 12 weeks of maternity leave, which worked out because [the White House was] about to change the policy, so that was great. But I also knew that I wanted to be able to pick up my daughter from daycare every day, if possible. Now, I don't always pick her up, but most days I do. I wanted to preserve that time between 5:45 and 7 p.m. when she went to sleep as time with her. That was incredibly important to me and I said so."
Valerie Jarrett: "When my child was about six, I adopted the policy that on Sundays I would only work if I was attending children-friendly events where she would be welcome, and that would be an enriching experience for her. Before that, I was working oftentimes seven days a week and it was [former Chicago Mayor Richard] Daley's wife who said to me, 'You need to make sure you set aside a day that is just for your daughter.' So, Mayor Daley didn't work on Sundays and that was because his wife had kind of laid down the law. So my modified version of that was to take Laura around with me, if I thought it'd be a great experience for her."
"I WANTED TO PRESERVE THAT TIME BETWEEN 5:45 AND 7 P.M. WHEN SHE WENT TO SLEEP AS TIME WITH HER. THAT WAS INCREDIBLY IMPORTANT TO ME AND I SAID SO."
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Getting over guilt
Cecilia Muñoz: "My younger daughter was in middle school when I started. And when she was 16 I said to her one day, you know, 'How is this going? Are you really feeling okay with not getting as much of me as you used to?' And she looked at me and said, 'Mom, I'm 16. I'm not sure I really want you around that much.'"
"I THINK MANY WOMEN DON'T GIVE THEMSELVES LICENSE TO VALUE THEIR CAREER OR THEIR JOB AND WHILE ALSO RECOGNIZING THEY CAN BE GREAT MOTHERS."
Jen Psaki: "The first week I was back was maybe one of the first times, having spent 15 years in Washington in campaigns and the government, that it really hit me that I enjoy working and that I am passionate about what I do and that I had chosen to do this even after having a child because this was important to me being the best woman and the best mom I could be. I think many women don't give themselves license to value their career or their job and while also recognizing they can be great mothers."
Paulette Aniskoff: "It was, on the emotional side, really tough to come back from leave. At my daycare, the first week of daycare is sort of a warm-up where you drop your kids off for just two hours and run an errand. It sort of warms you up to the concept of leaving your child somewhere. I did a lot of crying. And certainly the Friday before my first week of daycare when my child was eleven weeks old, I remember I was just very emotional and thinking what a special time it was to have my child. It was a very tough transition, emotionally. Then once I sort of got comfortable with my daycare after a few days, I actually felt that Phillip, my son, was in great hands and really loved and would be fine no matter what. That said, it took me over a month to really get back into the rhythm of my job. ... There are just things that happen at the speed of light here and jumping back into the stream tends to be very difficult."
Letting it impact the work
Cecilia Muñoz: "I cover education policy. And I have kids who came up through our neighborhood schools. When I was making policy decisions on driving the cost of higher education down, making college more affordable, I was paying two tuitions. I work on food and nutrition policy in support of the First Lady's extraordinary efforts. And my experiences of making nutritious meals that my kids would eat without very much time to make them has shaped a lot about what I think about both food and nutrition policy overall and the particular programs that provide resources to low-income families so they can put nutritious food on the table for their kids. I mean, my momhood informs my policymaking every day."
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